My Mama leaving after being with us nearly four weeks was hard!  I have really missed not having her right there with me. 

I do however have excellent news!  Someone, a total stranger no less, donated, yes DONATED a handicapped accessible van to us!!!  This is still amazing and overwhelming to me!  It was about a 14 hour drive from our house, so off to Idaho we went.  The sweet woman that gave the van to us suffered the loss of her husband just a few weeks ago.  He is now free from ALS, in heaven.  I feel like this woman will now be my friend for life.  What a blessing she has been to me and to my family.

I am typing this blog from a motel room.  We will be back home tomorrow night.   I will be thrilled to be back in my bed.  I am physically exhausted from this trip but emotionally, so very overwhelmed and full of gratitude!

God is so good!

My Mama has been visiting for the past four weeks. As of tomorrow, it comes to an end.  It saddens me to see her go.  I can't help but panic a bit as she's 81 and me? Well, I'm dying.  I feel as if I won't see her again here on this earth and that gives me great sorrow.  

I can thank God though that I have something else, something AWESOME to focus on!  Someone, a complete stranger, is donating a van to us!!!  We will drive about 14 hours to pick it up in Idaho.  I am so grateful, so incredibly overwhelmed at how God loves me.  The van belonged to a man with ALS, who is now free of it, in heaven.  I heard of it through a group on facebook.  I am just amazed!  God is so good.

So, as I cry tomorrow as I leave my Mama at the airport, I will thank God for His goodness to me!  

I am so very happy that my Mama is visiting us.  From the moment she got here until she leaves, she will have been with us one day less than 4 weeks.  That is such a nice visit and yet, I am fearing the day she leaves already!  She's been here over a week now, and I already feel like I am in countdown mode.  I hate that I do that.  I need to just enjoy each moment we have.  

My Mama is so precious to me.  I was always very close to my Daddy and those who know me well, know I was a typical "Daddy's girl."  That my Daddy has been in heaven since 2008 still does not seem real.  My Mama is responsible for me being so close to Daddy. She taught me to be close to him.  I have done the same with my children, and my own daughter is the kind of Daddy's girl I was.  It's so sweet to me.

I digress.... my Mama is also very close to me but I must say it has become more so in the past few years as I have grown up, have children, and especially since Daddy died.  My Daddy and I used to talk daily, sometimes several times a day.  I now can't imagine not talking to my Mama daily.  I hate the days where I forget to call or something happen that I can't.  It bothers me greatly, because I know that one day either she will go on to heaven, or I myself will make it there first.  I joke with her when she speaks of her age and that she may not have many more years, that I guess we are now in a race to see who sees Daddy first!

I really do need to savor the moments she is here... not worry about the day she flies back home.  I can't help but wonder though the next time we see each other, how much farther progressed the ALS will be.  Will I even be able to hug her? Talk to her? Respond to her?  Oh how I hope so.

Being told I have a terminal illness, I went through and continue to go through a lot of emotions.  The worst time (so far) was when I was first diagnosed.  I have of course, had a good bit of time to process it all.  Other people, not so much....

We are 6 months in, just about, at our new church.  There is a man who came up to me last week with tears in his eyes.  His first thing to say was, "Some things you know, you wish you could just not know."  He explained he had been researching Lou Gherig's disease (ALS) and then said, "it's terminal, you know!"  O.k.  for just a moment, I confess, the comic in me wanted to say, "No!  I never knew that!", but I of course did not.  I realized this man was deeply touched by learning that fact.  He said, "we don't want you to leave us.  We love you."  Wow.  It hit me.  It hit me hard.  To see my illness through someone else, someone who has just known me a few months, took me a back.  You see, I know my illness affects people other than me, but to see someone with tears as if they had been punched in the gut, got to me.  

I went home and prayed- not for me- but for this man and the others like him who are being affected by ALS through me.  May God help us all!

A Life Overwhelming Sometimes

     Yesterday evening, I had my first ever Neurologist appointment, since living in Oregon.  We were very pleasantly surprised with him!  I felt like he really cares.  He is getting me set up with Oregon State University in Portland- their neuro-muscular specialists there. (about 4 hours from our home). It will probably take a couple of months before I have the actual appointment. 
     Going through the tests again, the strength tests that every neuro seems to do, just overwhelmed me. It reminded me of how very weak I have become since I was seen in Mayo back in the summer of 2013.  Reading this doctor's report just seemed to break my heart again as I read the words "Motor Neuron Disease", etc. etc.  It just overwhelms.
Last night as I went to bed, I reached over for my husband's t-shirt, to grab a hold of it as I've done so many nights before.  I realized I couldn't grasp it anymore.  I had to sort of stuff a bunch of the shirt in my hand to have any sort of grasp on it.
     My mind raced back to being a 4 year old girl or so, and sleeping in between my Mama and my Daddy.  I would always grab a hold of my Daddy's white t-shirt and fall asleep, blissfully unaware of any danger that might be lurking.  After all, my Daddy would protect me from all harm.  I cried thinking how I was losing the very basic ability to hold something in a grasp or a pinch.
     Life seemed to overwhelm me yesterday and last night, but I am back today.... happy that my Mama is here with us for nearly four weeks!  It is so good to see her!

What a wonderful two days.  Last night and this morning, we attended a fellowship meeting at a sister church.  It was great to hear preaching and see the new friends again that we've made in the six months we've lived here.  

People have been so nice to us here and for that, I am so grateful.   We've been through feast and famine where fellowship is concerned.  When we lived across the world as missionaries, we had some close friends, fellow missionaries that we would see at least once a month, many times more.  We moved to the states, and were in a place where there were not many other like minded people to fellowship with, and so we felt isolated, alone at times.  It's so nice to be in a place now where there are many other people with like beliefs to worship with from time to time and have a fellowship that beats anything the world has to offer!

My husband and I grew up in an area where there was always a youth rally, mission rally or fifth Saturday meeting to attend and know that you weren't the only ones who believed as we did/do.  It's now so great to have that kind of fellowship for our kids!  I need that more and more.  It reminds me that people are truly praying for me.  It calms me even.

One of my sons asked me tonight why I am always so tired.  When I said, "honey, I can be tired just in a little bit now", he asked did that mean I was dying quicker?  It saddens me that my kids have such thoughts in their minds.

I tried my hardest tonight to play with my kids- I even played action figures for a few minutes with my 10 year old son.  My 12 year old wanted me to read to him, (and he's the one who asked why I'm so tired), but by then, I really was too tired and it was his bed time.  I promised I would try to REMEMBER to do so tomorrow evening.  

We have a church meeting to go to tomorrow night and the next day.  I know it will wear me out but I look forward to seeing fellow Christians this weekend.  It strengthens me.

No, I will still be tired, and I'll still be weak physically... but mentally, spiritually, I will be nourished.