I was talking to a dear friend by facebook tonight who asked me how I was feeling. I responded that since it was her, I would be honest. I've just not been feeling well at all lately, but that is to be expected. Oh, I am not depressed. I truly AM happy in those pictures I post, but I am fighting with someone through all this. MYSELF!
My arms are getting much, much weaker and to lift my food to my mouth feels like bricks. To lift my drink is getting so much harder and well... I just haven't found the way to let go and let someone help me. I am losing so much of myself- it feels like watching myself slip away and I don't like it. Who would?!
I am starting to see what babies must feel like when they realize they can do something for themselves but their Mama wants to do it for them a little longer. Only, I will not get better at holding my "bottle", I will just get weaker until I can't possibly lift it at all. It greatly saddens me that I will become so dependent on those around me. It's as if I am going backwards in time, to when I was but an infant.
I need help but how do I let others do so? I just don't know.